November 7th marked two years since I last
“self-harmed.” January 6th will be two years since I was
hospitalized. January 15th will be a year and a half since I was
sent to the emergency room for nearly overdosing. December will be a year since
I stopped eating and lost 15 pounds in one month, and 10 more over the next two
months, leaving me very underweight. Friday I stop my last psychiatric
medication, a two and a half year, nine-medication ordeal. NOW will be when I
find HOPE and be free.
I was thinking the other day about all of the confirmations within the last two years that I have chosen the right path: life.
Here is a brief summary of some tips and stories from what I have learned over
the past three years about how to get through Depression, (Social) Anxiety,
Self-Harm, Suicide, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, and everything else. For
more, either message me, or I may continue to post. (I’m also a fair portion
into the book that I’m writing).
1. The ONLY
time that you can stop self-harming in when YOU are ready. Others can help you
through that decision and everything that will follow, but it really needs to
be up to you. You need to set your mind to it and really be ready to make the
commitment. For me, this meant throwing away my “tools” and just telling myself
that I was done. I had given it far more than it deserved already and it was
not going to take anything more from me. Although it was easy enough to regain
access to anything that I had thrown away, the symbolism helped carry me
through.
2. Find your
coping skill. Or, better yet, have a small arsenal of them. Currently, when my
thoughts get the best of me, I color. I’ve run the gambit however from
television, to pacing, to knitting, to making lists of anything I can think of
(usually something nerdy like the elements of the periodic table, or the Greek
alphabet). Find what works for you, and have a couple of backups in case for
some reason something’s not working in that moment.
3. Set goals.
Both short-term and long-term ideally, but the length of the long-term can
depend on your situation. Goals can also include dates that you need to reach.
These could be assignments, social events, meals, birthdays, concerts, anything
that works for you. Longer term goals can be driving, going to college, graduation,
a child’s milestone once again, anything that works for you. Daily, weekly,
monthly, yearly, or all of the above.
4. Get help.
Seriously, reach out to someone. It could be anyone that you find helpful. I,
personally, chose to reach out to my general doctor first, but there are also
other ways to get in touch with people directly. The person that you talk to
also doesn’t need to be in the medical field, or even a professional, it could
be a counselor, teacher, parent, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, sibling,
grandparent, just tell someone. Sometimes even just talking about it can help, or,
if you need something more, they can help direct you to a better source.
5. Be silly. Have
a snowball fight. Play fetch with your dog. Throw a rubber ball against the
wall. Make silly faces. Do origami. Color. Swing. Dress up. Dress down. Play
with sparkles. Relax and although it can be serious, allow yourself
opportunities to de-stress and take life a little bit less seriously.
6. Keep a
To-Do list. Staying organized in everything else that you have to do will help
you feel less overwhelmed. If keeping a To-Do list is too stressful (I know
that sometimes I’m bothered by things on it that there was no feasible way to
do), find another way to stay organized, or ask someone for help in doing so.
7. Eat and
sleep well. Obviously if that is where you are struggling, this will be harder,
but all the more important. Regardless, both of these things are extremely
important to both mental and physical health and you will be able to function
better in all regards if you are well rested and have eaten a proper amount.
8. Do NOT
isolate or avoid social obligations and opportunities. This was probably one of
the worst mistakes that I ever made. At exactly the time when I needed to be
around people the most, I avoided them and ended up feeling more alone than
ever. Please don’t do this. For yourself, and for me, please do not make this
mistake.
9. Spend more
time breathing. The value of taking a slow deep breath and holding it is
overlooked. When it occurs to you (or schedule time into your day if it doesn’t
naturally occur to you) take a long, slow deep breath and just enjoy it.
10. I know that
for many people getting out of bed in the morning can be one of he most
difficult parts of the day. What I have started doing, is making breakfast
plans every morning that I don’t have any early class that would require me
getting up anyways. This way, I have a reason to get up (I don’t want to leave
people waiting for me or going by themselves when I already told them that I
would go) and it encourages me to get breakfast on a day when I might otherwise
choose to skip the meal.
11. Don’t be
afraid of what people will think of you if they find out or of what will happen
to you when you tell someone. Yes, mental illness is still stigmatized and each
term, diagnosis, issue, however you prefer to call it, has its own stigma. But
that is NOT a reason to not get help. Part of the trick is to find the right
people to talk to. If you know that one of your friends can be judgmental,
while another has also struggled, for example, then maybe you choose to talk to
that friend. If you are concerned over how your parents will react, talk to
another trusted adult first. Anyone that matters and cares will want you to get
better. If they don’t, then they are not worth the time or stress anyway. If
you are worried about what will happen to you, don’t be. Treatment and even
recovery can be scary, but it’s all intended to help you, and if you let it, it
will.
12. Make a list
of the reasons that you are happy that you are still here and reasons that you
want to continue to be safe and clean. Keep adding to the list. When you first
sit down to write it, it may be shorter than you would like. But it will grow.
I guarantee it. Just keep watching it and adding to it. (My (growing) list to
follow later in the week).
Love,
Hope <3
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