I feel the roots of the "eating disorder " resurfacing. I've argued until I was blue in the face with multiple doctors however, that my lack of eating and massive loss of weight earlier this year was purely due to a lack of appetite. Then again, I also did not realize how thin I had gotten until I looked at pictures and told someone how much I weighed at my lowest. Apparently I was underweight, which is not characteristic of my build.
The fear of weight and of gaining weight has returned though. It's starting to consume my thoughts and actions again. Although I have a new therapist, and she's great, I'm still worried about losing credibility amongst other things if I change my mind on something I fought so hard for - justification for starving. I am however, more concerned about what will happen if this really is an "eating disorder" coming back. I'm in a completely different situation both physically and mentally than I was at the beginning of the year and I'm not sure that I could handle that extra stress here.
Breathe. Eat. Be safe.
- Hope
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